I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
