is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
