I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
