how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
