I wanna bring you to show and tell
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
