I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
