im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
