Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
