I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She even gives head with a lisp.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
