could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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