Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
