I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
