remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
