have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
