he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dignity is for republicans.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
