omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
