Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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