Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
