I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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