It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She bit a glass in half.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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