my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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