do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
