The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
