does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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