May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
