Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
