she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
