she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
