I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
