9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
