Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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