Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
