Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life