I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
