The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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