I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to align my fucking chakras
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
