I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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