I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
