do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
