Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
