Where is the hickey?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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