Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
