i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
