Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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