I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you win again, gameday.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
