You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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