Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
