I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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