She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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