you win again, gameday.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
