Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
