I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was born a porn star she said
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this just has baby written all over it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
