we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
