I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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