Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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