i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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