There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
