I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize