you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
only you would photoshop your dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
