theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Randomize
