When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
