worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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