FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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