Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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