New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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