I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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