you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
