I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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