I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
