Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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