I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
