I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
