I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
