Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
