I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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