I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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