My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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