____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
