UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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