Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
