let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
