You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
