I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
