yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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