She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
