I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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