It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
