I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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