I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
