They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize