honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
