Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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