dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
